


The Curious Case of a Girl Named Tabitha

by ShippersList



Series: Trope Train [27]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Alternate Universe - Office, Gen, Misunderstandings, POV Second Person, Trope: Mary Sue, Unreliable Narrator
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-10
Updated: 2017-10-10
Packaged: 2019-01-15 04:12:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12313533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShippersList/pseuds/ShippersList
Summary: Oh, shit.Seth is in love and it's the worst thing ever. No matter what, you're not jealous. No. Nope.





	The Curious Case of a Girl Named Tabitha

 

Oh, shit.

You know those types, the ones who find a new love and never shut up after. They want to tell the whole world how in love they are with their new significant other’s _everything,_ never bothering to ask if the others actually want to hear any of it.

You understand, of course. Being in love is awesome. It doesn’t make listening to the gushing and sighing less irritating, though.

Because Seth, your newest colleague, returns from holiday with a thousand watt smile and a certain breathlessness in his voice. You didn’t even need to stay in the break room to listen, you already knew.

Seth is in love and he wants to share.

 

* * *

 

After seven and half weeks, you feel the need to punch Seth in the nose before he even opens his mouth. Previously, all your lovey-dovey acquaintances had toned it down after about a month, but Seth keeps on going. You grit your teeth when he sits beside you in the canteen and launches into an elaborate narration of the past weekend; where he and _Tabitha_ had gone and what they’ve done.

Yes. Seth’s sweetheart’s name is Tabitha, and she can do no wrong.

He calls her Tabby of all things. You have no idea why he wants people to mistake his girlfriend for a cat.

 

* * *

 

It doesn’t escape your notion that you might be just plain jealous. Or perhaps bitter. It’s been years since your last serious relationship and you can’t even remember when you last got properly laid. You probably should do something about it. After all, it’s not Seth’s fault you are on a dry spell so you shouldn’t direct your sexual frustration induced bitching on him.

You don’t want to think about how often Seth now gets laid. It would only make you morose.

 

* * *

 

Sometimes, you wonder if Tabitha is even real. Nobody should be that perfect, funny, adorable, or cute. You also sometimes wonder if Seth is taking the caring too far—a grown-up probably should make her own doctor’s appointments, right?

Which leads to the uncomfortable idea of Seth dating someone way too young. You wonder if there is any correct way to ask.

 

* * *

 

You miss out the annual company picnic because you get a stomach bug—probably salmonella from the discount chicken wings you had for a late dinner the day before. Just your luck, you huff as you think longingly about the gooey deliciousness of Namla’s triple chocolate cookies and contemplate sending her a Facebook message to beg her to save you a couple. You decide against it, mostly because it would make you a bit of a creep. You don’t want to remind her of her asshole ex Todd who stalked her for a year after she’d dumped him.

Later, you’ll learn that Seth and Tabitha were on the picnic and literally everyone and their mom was thrilled to meet her. For you, it means that you now need to avoid _all_ your colleagues to spare yourself from drowning in ’Tabitha this’ and ’Tabitha that.’ Well, except for Helen, but she’s a cunt who sucks the joy out of everything, and you’d rather suffer a Tabitha overload than being associated with Helen in any way.

It gets a bit too much when both Allie and Mike from retail start to sing praise for Tabitha’s hair and ask Seth for advice to get theirs ’as luxuriously shiny and awesome.’ There is a limit for everything, and your patience has officially reached it. You beat a hasty retreat and meditate in an empty bathroom stall for fifteen minutes before you’re ready to continue working.

When you pass Seth, Allie, and Mike, they’re still going on about hair produce. You pretend being preoccupied with your phone to avoid getting dragged into a debate about the benefits of a raw egg yolk (a what?) versus conditioner.

 

* * *

 

Sometimes, you wonder what Seth did to nail a perfect girl like Tabitha. After all, he’s completely ordinary, an average guy with a nice laugh and a sensible Ford. He does his own laundry, pays his taxes, helps his neighbors, and is pro-choice. Okay, he has almost disturbingly straight teeth but that’s okay—you know it’s because of a massive reconstructive work after he tried to catch a baseball with his teeth when he was a kid.

You chant _’I’m not jealous, I’m just annoyed’_ in your mind and wonder if you’ll believe it after 58 repeats.

 

* * *

 

A couple of months later, Seth doesn’t come to work. Your mind automatically jumps to the conclusion that Tabitha is pregnant, she’s blackmailing Seth to get married, and they’re moving into a small-town suburbia to live off the American Dream in HD. You feel like a total dick when a teary-eyed Namla tells you Tabitha was hit by a car and asks if you’d like to contribute to the care package she and Miranda are putting together. You give her 45 bucks and a wan smile.

It takes Seth several days to get back to work and even longer for the exhaustion bleed out from his face. You make a mental promise to send positive thoughts their way. You last almost a week which frankly is longer than you expected.

 

* * *

 

You knew the day was to come at some point, that in the end, you’d have to bite the bullet and meet the infamous, perfect Tabitha. The day arrives sooner than you anticipated, however, in the form of a Casual Family Friday. You don’t understand why the bosses insist on calling it that when the majority of your colleagues don’t have a family. Patrick thinks it’s because the CO wants a legitimate reason to show off the latest pictures of his grandchild his daughter has updated on Facebook.

You are almost done with your spreadsheet when you hear Namla and Mike squeal, ”It’s Tabitha!” and the whole office promptly goes mad. You are partially convinced that Tabitha is a witch and practicing her mind-controlling techniques on your colleagues. Your suspicions are enforced when Seth lets out an urgent ”Tabitha, no!” You have no time to react before you hear a thump from your door.

Slowly, you raise your head and prepare to your fate.

You blink.

Tabitha is standing in the doorway, staring at you.

Tabitha is gorgeous.

You are an idiot.

Tabitha is a fucking dog.

**Author's Note:**

> I know, I know, I stretched the Mary Sue trope to the moon and back. The reason for that is that I personally don't believe in Mary Sues, at least not in humans. Dogs on the other hand, are a completely different matter.
> 
> This fic finishes this series. Thank you for sticking with me, and thank you for reading and all the wonderful comments.
> 
> Come say hi on [tumblr](http://shipperslist.tumblr.com)! See you next time!


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